Attitude

I’m sure you all have seen this image. 

I remember my mom had it hanging up  at her office job years ago. I was maybe eight or nine but always found the way the frog is struggling for dear life absolutely terrifying; unsure if it was the intense grip Kermit had on the bird or that I can't see his face at all... but there it is. Admittedly, years later I still find it disturbing. 

After reading over past entries I came to one conclusion.  Man, I was a whiny bitch.  All I saw were things like "she was due" and "mandrake" written over and over again. Word after word about Evie screaming, crying and me having a bad night and aside from the most recent post, nothing very positive. 

I used to believe without question you if you're having a good day or a string of them in a row, most likely everything is going to hit the fan so prep yourself. Over the past few months I've slowly come to the belief that the every day attitude you have has a major affect on outcomes in your life. Don't mistake me for downplaying mental illness such as depression but for the mentally healthy individual, attitude really is everything. 

Secretly I've known this for a while but refused to practice it. Cynicism was my comfort food, it's safe. I'm familiar with it. Having a more positive attitude about things, not so much. Why be happy and enjoy the moment when something horrible will happen, right? Some challenge or unexpected life event will inevitably throw you through a loop and you'll just be right back to having a crap day. I had the biggest unexpected shake up of my life about six months ago which has changed the course of not only my life, but the lives of my children as well. Interestingly enough, around this time I started seeing things like this on social media:

Cheesy right? However I started to see what the Facebook gods were telling me. Yeah your life is complete shit right now but work on your attitude. It wasn't easy. In fact I hated waking up every morning and literally praying to be happy and have a better attitude. You know what though? I used to only be able to do three push ups. Now I can do two sets of fifteen. Having a more positive attitude takes practice and although I'm on my knees for my push ups and I still have a bad moment or two (usually at work- it's on my list,)  I've generally become more happy. Sure shits going to hit the fan but like those push ups, practicing a better attitude becomes easier thus really makes a difference on how you begin to see, interpret and deal with challenges. 

So what does this have to do with being the parent of an autistic kid?

Two nights ago, Evie was throwing her classic tantrum. Sure they've really become few and far between but it seems she's mentally about two and a half and as such, if she doesn't get what she wants, we all have to suffer.  These episodes don't last more than maybe ten minutes but during those ten minutes gouging your ears out with Q-tips or better yet a sharp knife starts to sound pretty good. Strangely enough though,  and for the first time, I didn't feel that way. I took a mental step back and had a good look at what was going on. 

This beautiful little girl who has no choice in being mute, and unlike most nonverbal autistic kids doesn't bite, hit or punch,  really just wants to watch more tv and was using this, what does her school call it, maladaptive behavior to communicate. Yeah it would have stopped the screaming had I put the tv on  but that would just reinforce her screaming for next time. Meanwhile, my fourteen year old was making dinner for the family, again. Without being asked. She not only makes dinner frequently but cleans up after too. My oldest was off working where she has begun to pitch in for bills, without being asked. My son was downstairs cleaning his room. Of course I had to ask him but he did it without complaint. 

I'm grateful for my kids. I'm grateful for the more positive attitude I've been able to develop because of what happened and all I can say to the next challenge, bring it!