So at this meeting the wonder mom with two autistic children (I'm not being sarcastic anyone who can successfully toilet train a non verbal autistic is a wondermom in my opinion) said she was all for her children going to school. The older one needed barely any help in a typical classroom, the other was still with an autism class and went with the typical children during music, recess, and library. I can see how parents would appreciate their children getting some time in with the "normal" children with the help of a paraeducator. When I expressed concerns at one of Evie's IEP meetings about what happens when she'll go into kindergarten, I was reassured that the school district had excellent ones, the ratios were really good and that isn't something I should worry about. Haha.
Last fall my fourteen year old told me in her home ec class there were two special needs teens with a paraeducator. A paraeducator who when my daughter was helping one of the teens cut her pattern was told, "Don't help her. Let her mess with it, it keeps her busy." The same paraeducator who would instead of assisting the teens develop life skills or somehow tailor the project to the teens level would chit-chat with the home ec teacher leaving my daughter to help the teens. Which she didn't mind at all. Having a special needs little sister will do that to you.
I expressed my sentiment towards the school districts take on assimilation vs separation during the group and ultimately this mom and I agreed to disagree. She did end her statement with, "But you do need time for you." Which is true. I'm sure my opinions on the subject would be greatly different if Evie had behavioral problems, but aside from consistently chucking her cup and biting when I'm trying to get something done and not paying her attention she's better behaved than most four year olds. Ultimately at that point, I decided to leave an open mind until closer to her due date for kindergarten.
Fast forward to today. I chaperoned my sons kindergarten class to a nearby nursery to look at how plants are grown. I was sitting around the table savoring the joy that only being around six year olds can bring when it was time to leave and I saw her. Standing with an older lady by the door, another kindergartener who I believe had a type of achondroplasia and judging by her neumerous ticks, a form of autism or other disorder. She also happened to have similar color eyes and hair to my Evie. I wanted to give her a hug.
The woman, who I assume was her paraeducator for the trip, held her hand and stood by the door. As the 30+kindergarteners were leaving walking by her, no one said hi including my son-but he was too busy play punching his assigned buddy. I said hi and gave her a little wave. I was inline for the bus when I felt a tug at my purse strap that was crosswise over my body, I turned and saw the little girl giving it a tug like Evie does complete with incoherent vocal noises. I was about to say something to her when I heard, "NO! Stop it!" coming from her adult buddy. I quickly said it's fine, I have a special needs child at home and I was told this little girl needed to learn to keep her hands to herself. Which ultimately is true but even dogs are taught with positive reinforcement. My son then decided to tell me she was different. I said, "Just like Evie." He then looked at me, turned to her, gave a little wave and simply said "hi" before walking to his seat.
Onto the bus. I sat with the punching buddies to my left and the little girl with her buddy to my right. The buddy pulls out her cell phone to text when of course the girl goes to grab it, again, "NO! Don't touch!" Strike two. One more time and I'm saying something. As much as I would have liked to say something in the moment, I've learned the hard way it's best to wait. So I give her another chance before I say something. Besides, compared with this situation or this, this woman is really nothing.
So I watch. I see the paraeducator relax and eventually give the little girl hugs and make sure her coat and hat was on as it was quite windy and cold and decide that ultimately it wasn't so bad. Until it was time for a group kindergarten photo. The woman pulls the little girl away to make sure she wasn't in it. I felt horrible. Did I say anything? No. I was too afraid of coming off as a bitch which could have been a good thing I guess. Like I said, it's something I'm working on.
Yes, at this point, my daughter will be staying home. I don't need her to assimilate into some classroom if she can't yet help herself to the bathroom or communicate her needs. I don't need her to be "that kid" that children only see during specialists and lurk in the background during field trips. She hasn't shown any desire to join other children aside from her siblings so I'm not concerned with her socializing. Personally, I hate talking directly to people that's why I go on facebook so much. If in two years she's gotten to the point where she can be in a regular classroom and learn, great so be it. But if not, we'll have our own adventures at home. I just hope it wont be too much of a battle to get her there. That's just something I'll need to look into.
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